- What are the most important things for adoptive parents to your mind?
- Comment upon the story of adoption
суббота, 30 мая 2009 г.
Additional task
Number 1 thing the adoptive parents should know
My adoption story...
I always knew I was adopted. Growing up being adopted isn't much different than growing up with a birth family. I just knew I had four parents - two I would probably never meet. My first mom, my birth mom, "gave me up" because she was too young.
Growing up adopted, I was chosen. I knew that from the beginning. As a junior high student I would right short poems about my birth mother. In my diary, I wrote thank you notes that I hoped one day she would get to read. I was thirty three before I got to see what my birth mother looked like. I gave her mother, a thank you note that I only hope gets read.
Being adopted should not be a secret, in the majority of cases. I have met adoptees that never knew they where adopted until their parents passed. One girl found out when she read some papers as a young teenager. She was devastated and more then resentful toward her family and eventually her birth family. It sent her into a tail spin to find her "real" family, which then didn't match her mental ideal of who we where and that hurt many people in the process sadly. It could have been avoided by simply being honest.
Adoptive parents have no reason or right to withhold their child's adoption from them. It is in everyone's best interest to be honest from the beginning. I know it is natural to want to protect your child but this is not the way to do so. Growing up adopted is part of our identity and as parents you can make it into a loving, joyous and proud experience.
Take a moment and think about what questions you would ask if you didn't ever get to see the mother that raised you. Find the answers to those questions (the best you can) so that when you son or daughter comes to you with questions about their "real" mom. The most common question: What does she look like? Remember YOU are your child's REAL parent - only you can help them grow through the doubt into capable and strong children full of self worth knowing that they were chosen by you and loved by you.By providing them with a link to their heritage and biological roots you are given them pride and self confidence
Growing up adopted, I was chosen. I knew that from the beginning. As a junior high student I would right short poems about my birth mother. In my diary, I wrote thank you notes that I hoped one day she would get to read. I was thirty three before I got to see what my birth mother looked like. I gave her mother, a thank you note that I only hope gets read.
Being adopted should not be a secret, in the majority of cases. I have met adoptees that never knew they where adopted until their parents passed. One girl found out when she read some papers as a young teenager. She was devastated and more then resentful toward her family and eventually her birth family. It sent her into a tail spin to find her "real" family, which then didn't match her mental ideal of who we where and that hurt many people in the process sadly. It could have been avoided by simply being honest.
Adoptive parents have no reason or right to withhold their child's adoption from them. It is in everyone's best interest to be honest from the beginning. I know it is natural to want to protect your child but this is not the way to do so. Growing up adopted is part of our identity and as parents you can make it into a loving, joyous and proud experience.
Take a moment and think about what questions you would ask if you didn't ever get to see the mother that raised you. Find the answers to those questions (the best you can) so that when you son or daughter comes to you with questions about their "real" mom. The most common question: What does she look like? Remember YOU are your child's REAL parent - only you can help them grow through the doubt into capable and strong children full of self worth knowing that they were chosen by you and loved by you.By providing them with a link to their heritage and biological roots you are given them pride and self confidence
Comment upon the ideas
Transracial Adoption
The term transracial adoption refers to the integration of racially different parents and children within a family unit.
Over the past few decades, the prevalence of transracial families has significantly increased, and along with them, polarized viewpoints on the benefits and costs of integrating families - usually White parents with non-White children.
As the transracially adoptive parents of African-American or biracial children, we strive to instill in them an understanding of their roots, as well as a sense of cultural identity and pride.
Millions of children await for homes, stability and a parent's love. Yet thousands of individuals condemn and criticize parents of trans racial adoption. Controversially surrounds the idea that a parent of different melanin and cultural heritage are somehow unable to provide a home that will instill culture pride in their children.
Racism exists. White Privilege does too. Yet, love transcends color. Transracial adoption, international adoption, interracial adoption requires families to see beyond their comfort zone. The life of a child is precious stability and love should weigh heavier than "matching" his adoptive mother's skin. Unfortunately, there are no guidelines or checklists for parents to instill racial pride in a child who has been adopted trans racially.
Transracially adoption, international adoption, interracial adoption the children do not have the advantage of learning about their birth culture through everyday cues and bits of knowledge, assimilated almost unconsciously over years, as in single-race families. So the responsibility that parents have to their different-race children can seem overwhelming.
To fulfill that responsibility experts recommend:
o interacting with people of your child's race - of all different professions
o living in multicultural neighborhoods
o finding same race mentors and role models for your child - a mentor, teacher, pastor
o advocating for unbiased learning materials
o confronting racism openly and not making excuses for those ignorant individuals who say something stupid
o cooking and eating ethnic dishes
o providing special maintenance to hair and skin
o celebrating all cultures
o taking part in homeland tours and culture camps
o creating a positive cultural environment at home
No blueprint or formula, however, can assure that a child will grow up feeling proud of his or her ethnic heritage. Making efforts to embrace various cultures and equal can assist a child to experience a fuller life than a child of a single race family.
The term transracial adoption refers to the integration of racially different parents and children within a family unit.
Over the past few decades, the prevalence of transracial families has significantly increased, and along with them, polarized viewpoints on the benefits and costs of integrating families - usually White parents with non-White children.
As the transracially adoptive parents of African-American or biracial children, we strive to instill in them an understanding of their roots, as well as a sense of cultural identity and pride.
Millions of children await for homes, stability and a parent's love. Yet thousands of individuals condemn and criticize parents of trans racial adoption. Controversially surrounds the idea that a parent of different melanin and cultural heritage are somehow unable to provide a home that will instill culture pride in their children.
Racism exists. White Privilege does too. Yet, love transcends color. Transracial adoption, international adoption, interracial adoption requires families to see beyond their comfort zone. The life of a child is precious stability and love should weigh heavier than "matching" his adoptive mother's skin. Unfortunately, there are no guidelines or checklists for parents to instill racial pride in a child who has been adopted trans racially.
Transracially adoption, international adoption, interracial adoption the children do not have the advantage of learning about their birth culture through everyday cues and bits of knowledge, assimilated almost unconsciously over years, as in single-race families. So the responsibility that parents have to their different-race children can seem overwhelming.
To fulfill that responsibility experts recommend:
o interacting with people of your child's race - of all different professions
o living in multicultural neighborhoods
o finding same race mentors and role models for your child - a mentor, teacher, pastor
o advocating for unbiased learning materials
o confronting racism openly and not making excuses for those ignorant individuals who say something stupid
o cooking and eating ethnic dishes
o providing special maintenance to hair and skin
o celebrating all cultures
o taking part in homeland tours and culture camps
o creating a positive cultural environment at home
No blueprint or formula, however, can assure that a child will grow up feeling proud of his or her ethnic heritage. Making efforts to embrace various cultures and equal can assist a child to experience a fuller life than a child of a single race family.
Questions for Discussion
- What does the problem root in?
- Do you agree that foster children should be placed with the families of the same cultural and ethnic background?
- What would you suggest the Mellings?
Read the given article
White couple lose battle to bring up black foster child
A white couple failed in the Court of Appeal yesterday to win the black child that they had brought up since he was younger than a month old.
James and Lynne Melling, the foster parents, had remortgaged their home and spent £8,000 in a legal battle to prevent the child, now aged two, from being taken away from them.
The court was told that Mr Melling, aged 42, and his wife, aged 40, had "showered the child, David, with love and affection since he was 24 days old in February 1989.' At the beginning of last year the Mellings said that they wanted to make a permanent home for the boy and bring him up with their other adopted son, Tyrone, aged nine. In November, however, Lancashire County Council told the couple that long-term carers had been found for David, who would eventually adopt him and bring him up with their two other adopted black children.
Matthias Kelly, counsel for Mr and Mrs Melling, told the court that the authority had a rigid policy on placing children with families of the same
I cultural and ethnic background, but, he said, 'The council has paid too little
attention to the deep and binding love the couple has bonded with David and
he with them.'
Lord Justice Balcombe, one of the three judges hearing the appeal, said that there had never been any suggestion that the couple had given other than excellent care to the child. On the contrary, 'One cannot but feel sympathy for them after they raised David for the first two years of his life. They have obviously grown very fond of him and want to keep him on a permanent basis.'
The council said Mr and Mrs Melling knew that they were only short-term carers while a long-term solution was being sought. The judge said that it was for the court to interpret the law, and under the 1980 Child Care Act the couple would have to prove that the local authority had been so unreasonable and its decision so perverse, that no other local authority could make the same decision in similar circumstances.
Passing judgement, Lord Justice Balcombe said that in his view no court could come to that decision, and that the application for a judicial review must be dismissed. He could only sympathise with the couple who had "taken on the task of giving love and care to children whose own parents did not.'
After the hearing, Mrs Melling said she had hoped that the interests of the child would outweigh the letter of the law. 'It's all very well these judges having sympathy for us. We have had lots of sympathy. Instead of sympathy, we want David returned to us, or, at the very least, a review of our case.
"It appears that, while they may agree with us emotionally, they do not want to set a precedent. Since David was taken away we have not heard a thing about him, not even a note to say how he is doing.'
A white couple failed in the Court of Appeal yesterday to win the black child that they had brought up since he was younger than a month old.
James and Lynne Melling, the foster parents, had remortgaged their home and spent £8,000 in a legal battle to prevent the child, now aged two, from being taken away from them.
The court was told that Mr Melling, aged 42, and his wife, aged 40, had "showered the child, David, with love and affection since he was 24 days old in February 1989.' At the beginning of last year the Mellings said that they wanted to make a permanent home for the boy and bring him up with their other adopted son, Tyrone, aged nine. In November, however, Lancashire County Council told the couple that long-term carers had been found for David, who would eventually adopt him and bring him up with their two other adopted black children.
Matthias Kelly, counsel for Mr and Mrs Melling, told the court that the authority had a rigid policy on placing children with families of the same
I cultural and ethnic background, but, he said, 'The council has paid too little
attention to the deep and binding love the couple has bonded with David and
he with them.'
Lord Justice Balcombe, one of the three judges hearing the appeal, said that there had never been any suggestion that the couple had given other than excellent care to the child. On the contrary, 'One cannot but feel sympathy for them after they raised David for the first two years of his life. They have obviously grown very fond of him and want to keep him on a permanent basis.'
The council said Mr and Mrs Melling knew that they were only short-term carers while a long-term solution was being sought. The judge said that it was for the court to interpret the law, and under the 1980 Child Care Act the couple would have to prove that the local authority had been so unreasonable and its decision so perverse, that no other local authority could make the same decision in similar circumstances.
Passing judgement, Lord Justice Balcombe said that in his view no court could come to that decision, and that the application for a judicial review must be dismissed. He could only sympathise with the couple who had "taken on the task of giving love and care to children whose own parents did not.'
After the hearing, Mrs Melling said she had hoped that the interests of the child would outweigh the letter of the law. 'It's all very well these judges having sympathy for us. We have had lots of sympathy. Instead of sympathy, we want David returned to us, or, at the very least, a review of our case.
"It appears that, while they may agree with us emotionally, they do not want to set a precedent. Since David was taken away we have not heard a thing about him, not even a note to say how he is doing.'
Подписаться на:
Сообщения (Atom)