I always knew I was adopted. Growing up being adopted isn't much different than growing up with a birth family. I just knew I had four parents - two I would probably never meet. My first mom, my birth mom, "gave me up" because she was too young.
Growing up adopted, I was chosen. I knew that from the beginning. As a junior high student I would right short poems about my birth mother. In my diary, I wrote thank you notes that I hoped one day she would get to read. I was thirty three before I got to see what my birth mother looked like. I gave her mother, a thank you note that I only hope gets read.
Being adopted should not be a secret, in the majority of cases. I have met adoptees that never knew they where adopted until their parents passed. One girl found out when she read some papers as a young teenager. She was devastated and more then resentful toward her family and eventually her birth family. It sent her into a tail spin to find her "real" family, which then didn't match her mental ideal of who we where and that hurt many people in the process sadly. It could have been avoided by simply being honest.
Adoptive parents have no reason or right to withhold their child's adoption from them. It is in everyone's best interest to be honest from the beginning. I know it is natural to want to protect your child but this is not the way to do so. Growing up adopted is part of our identity and as parents you can make it into a loving, joyous and proud experience.
Take a moment and think about what questions you would ask if you didn't ever get to see the mother that raised you. Find the answers to those questions (the best you can) so that when you son or daughter comes to you with questions about their "real" mom. The most common question: What does she look like? Remember YOU are your child's REAL parent - only you can help them grow through the doubt into capable and strong children full of self worth knowing that they were chosen by you and loved by you.By providing them with a link to their heritage and biological roots you are given them pride and self confidence
Growing up adopted, I was chosen. I knew that from the beginning. As a junior high student I would right short poems about my birth mother. In my diary, I wrote thank you notes that I hoped one day she would get to read. I was thirty three before I got to see what my birth mother looked like. I gave her mother, a thank you note that I only hope gets read.
Being adopted should not be a secret, in the majority of cases. I have met adoptees that never knew they where adopted until their parents passed. One girl found out when she read some papers as a young teenager. She was devastated and more then resentful toward her family and eventually her birth family. It sent her into a tail spin to find her "real" family, which then didn't match her mental ideal of who we where and that hurt many people in the process sadly. It could have been avoided by simply being honest.
Adoptive parents have no reason or right to withhold their child's adoption from them. It is in everyone's best interest to be honest from the beginning. I know it is natural to want to protect your child but this is not the way to do so. Growing up adopted is part of our identity and as parents you can make it into a loving, joyous and proud experience.
Take a moment and think about what questions you would ask if you didn't ever get to see the mother that raised you. Find the answers to those questions (the best you can) so that when you son or daughter comes to you with questions about their "real" mom. The most common question: What does she look like? Remember YOU are your child's REAL parent - only you can help them grow through the doubt into capable and strong children full of self worth knowing that they were chosen by you and loved by you.By providing them with a link to their heritage and biological roots you are given them pride and self confidence
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